As I approach the 2 year mark I have been thinking a lot.
The postie arrived this morning with a parcel. It was a care package from my dear 'Family of Friends'. All the way through this they have periodically sent parcels, flowers, fruit, cakes, cheese, books, socks, seeds, Percy Pigs amonst other things.
This group of extraordinary people who I class as my Friend Family were a group of people I worked with a while ago. They since have, like me, moved away got different jobs but there was always a special bond. A bond which has supported me through the hardest couple of years of my life.
They were also those people who were alongside me in our IVF journey. They watched, listened and supported us ( Paul &I) as I took the injections, swallowed the hormones, experienced the mood swings (due to hormones) under went the egg transfers, lived through the 2week waits, took the pregnancy tests. They were also there when I miscarried.
They were also the cheerleaders who were there when I progressed in my career. They have always been there.
They aren't the kind of friends that I go out with every week. But they are the sort of friends that when we are together it's like it's always been. I think that because we all worked together and were very much like a family and looked out for each other.Like a family those are the bonds which bind. I also think the core of this group is that they have all experienced some kind of grief, some kind of loss. I am very grateful for their kindness and friendship.
Not everyone, experiences this. Sadly some people often lose friends after loss. This is often due to the friends not knowing how to support a friend in grief.
Here's my take- Show up and be there.
I remember someone who has now become a very close friend because she showed up in the early days of my loss.
She messaged me and said I will knock on your door at 2pm and if you don't answer I will still be there if you do put your coat on and we can chat. Bearing in mind that my husband died in lockdown. And at that time we couldn't meet people for longer that 15mins and only then in an outdoor space.
By showing up and being there she risked feeling uncomfortable but I am glad she did!
People are often concerned about upseting the bereaved person. What if I say something and upset them.
In my case I was upset - my husband, my best -friend, my soulmate had died - I was already upset!!
To risk being uncomfortable to just be with that person counts a lot.
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