The voice of a widow

    Funerals ....  Organising a funeral is the last thing you can do right for someone. But organising a funeral is not something you ever want to be doing.  I was terrified about calling a funeral director. I just didn't want to do it.  I was terrified that I would be hit with a load of questions to which I didn't know the answer or just didn't want to answer.  It also made it all a little bit more real, too.  I was terrified of saying those words ... "My husband has died."  But I found the courage to lift the phone and call. I was not going to let anyone else do it for me.  I don't know what I actually said - but straight away I was put at ease.They led me through the process. (They will do that for you too - if you need them to) Because it was in the middle of a lock-down, I was sent a brochure through the post.  The funeral director called in to check on me every few days - or so it seemed. It was kind. Some days I just couldn't face...

  When you are bereaved you hear it all - The platitude s ...    It's hard, I get that ...  I have been on the other side. I have been that person who was too uncomfortable to say anything... terrified of making it worse.  How could anyone make it any worse? - The worse has happened. And they haven't forgotten. You talking about their loved one and even saying their name is not going to suddenly upset them.  For weeks I was numb- For the first first months in fact I did stuff secretly believing that it would be all alright ...when he came home. That was the story I told myself - looking back it was the only way I could process the information.  How could he NOT be coming back?  He was my husband. We were a family - just us two and our cats. He cooked for me and took care of me. He was the one I could talk to and work out what I should do when I didn't know what to do. He was the one I brought a cup of tea to each and every morning- he was the...

Time passes ... but I am not convinced it heals....  It's been 367 days since I said my last goodbye to my husband. He was one of the 155,613 people who have died of covid 19 (Today's count in the uk). He died on 28th January 2021. He was number one to me - 1 in a million! The best! MINE!  I have been a widow for just over a year. I can't believe it's been a year... in some ways it's been a life-time and in others just a breath ago since I 'ruckled' his hair, told him I loved him, and asked him to visit me in my dreams. I couldn't kiss him because I was in full PPE - a full long-sleeved over-all, an apron, 2 pairs of gloves, a powdered face-mask and a visor.  We had both tested positive on Boxing day 2020. I was feeling pretty 'crappy' but had put it down to 'end-of-term-itus' (I am a primary school headteacher and often felt poorly at the end of term). My hubby was fit and well- we got a test just to rule it out. We didn't expect for...