The voice of a widow

Identity - It's something that has consumed my thoughts for a long while now.  Who am I?  I was always me: Hanna V  I didn't change my name when P and I got married. He didn't want me to become Mrs N. He thought it was vital that I fully became Hanna V that I knew who I was and didn't just become his wife.  I was always Hanna V and at 30, when I married I didn't fully know who I was. I knew what I did. I was a primary school teacher, someone who sang, someone who loves cats, someone who desperately needed to be safe, to feel safe,  I was someone who lacked confidence in myself.  I was someone who believed herself to be not very clever.  I was someone who was terrified of failure and wouldn't risk anything.  Over the next 20 years I began to get to know who I was.  I felt safe!  P gave me the security that I lacked. I began to be able to do things that I wouldn't have had space for in my brain as I would have been just so scared to even contemplate.  I became